


A bastard to mend a broken heart

by Dalankar



Category: Hakgyo | School (2013)
Genre: M/M, Series Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-04 23:50:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalankar/pseuds/Dalankar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d lost the two most important things in his life within the span of three weeks and even if Heungsoo could forgive Namsoon for breaking his leg, he’d never forgive him for leaving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A bastard to mend a broken heart

**Author's Note:**

> Based loosely on canon so beware of little spoilers.

“I'm so scared of you that I tried to stay away from you but…”

 

Heungsoo walks away. Because he's heard this before. These words coming out of Namsoon's mouth. There was a time when he had believed them. When he had believed everything Namsoon had said because he'd been in love and Namsoon held the moon and the stars and the whole universe beyond them.

 

But that was then. This is now.

 

\---

 

He watches them run. Stupid punks, starting things they don’t have the guts to finish. And all he can think is that _he_ would never have backed down. He would have smiled that ridiculous smile of his' that makes mothers draw their children closer and the police rethink their career choice, and charged. No matter how outnumbered he was, Go Namsoon would never have run.

 

Heungsoo shakes his head. Wait, what was he thinking? That Namsoon doesn’t exist. Did he ever exist? The only Namsoon in his life is the bastard who had betrayed him. Betrayed him twice and still had the gall to look at him with tears in his eyes.

 

\---

 

_They run. Namsoon leading and Heungsoo following. They hear the yells behind them falling further and further and they laugh breathlessly as they pick their way through the junk yard. Then suddenly Namsoon ducks in to the narrow path between the old warehouses and pulls Heungsoo in by a hand on his shirt, pressing him against the wall and folding in to him, hands on the wall either side of him. Heungsoo smiles at him, dark hair falling in to bright eyes. Nam soon nudges at the hair with his nose and leans down to catch Heungsoo's lips with his own. He feels Heungsoo's hands wander under the sweat drenched shirt hanging off him, fingers too warm in the heat, skimming over his ribs and Namsoon steps closer, hands in Heungsoo's hair and lets the heat crawl in to his blood and stay there._

 

\---

 

“Leave.”

 

“Noona…”

 

She steps in front of the door, arms crossed over her chest.

 

“You've destroyed his dream. What else do you want from him? Do you think he's going to want you around now?”

 

Heungsoo is asleep, Namsoon can see him under the blankets, curled up on his side. “I…”

 

She takes a step towards him, eyes narrowed in anger. “Don't you care? He lost his dream because of you! Don't you care that following you might kill him?”

 

His eyes snap to hers’ in shock. “I care about him more than anyone.”

 

“Then do the right thing. Get out of his life. Leave him alone,” she pleads, tears shining in her eyes.

 

“Noona...”

 

She is crying now and he takes a step back. Heungsoo had turned over in his sleep. The bastard always moved around too much in his sleep.

 

“Go Namsoon, I beg you. If you care about my brother like you say, please leave him in peace. I can't lose him, he's all I have.”

 

He leaves. Doesn't tell her that Heungsoo is all he has too. But maybe that was the reason why all of this happened and it is better that he leaves before he does something else that he'll regret. Even if he can't see how anything else can ever come close to this one regret that he'll forever wear like a second skin for the rest of his life.

 

 ---

 

His noona comes to pick him up from the police station. She takes in his battered face, bloody clothes but says nothing. Even when it becomes clear that his bad leg had taken a turn for the worse. He limps quietly, a few steps behind her , wondering at her sudden quietness. She always yells and cries and pleads, Heungsoo-ah, please don't do this anymore. Please.

 

"This is because of him isn't it?"

 

Heungsoo almost doesn't hear her, her voice is so quiet even in the dead of the night. There is no doubt as to who the 'him' in her question is. When it comes to Heungsoo, there is only ever one 'him'. Just one. He doesn't say anything. There is nothing to say. He already hates himself enough for his broken heart that refuses to heal, no matter how hard he tries.

 

"Do you really want him back so much?" this time her voice is stronger as she stops under a street light and turns to him. He stops, hands in pockets. He holds her eyes for a moment before his gaze flickers away.

 

"What will you do if you find him? Will you stop all this? Are you waiting for Go Namsoon to come back and save you?" she sounds angry, like she can't believe her brother can be so weak. That he's waiting for the bastard who ripped his heart open. Even if it's never going to happen. He knows even if he keeps on searching Go Namsoon will never come back. He's always been far too good at hiding.

 

They used to play hide and seek.  Heungsoo could never find Namsoon unless he wanted to be found. Even when Namsoon could find him every single time. It's because I have a sixth sense when it comes to you, Namsoon used to say, teeth flashing white in a smug smile. You can never get away from me, I'll always find you. Heungsoo would make his protest by pulling Namsoon in to a headlock, an advantage of greater height, or stealing Namsoon's food, which Namsoon hated more than being reminded that Heungsoo was taller than him. He never told Namsoon that he was glad to be the only one Namsoon had a sixth sense for, glad to be found by him every single time, glad to know that he'd never be lost as long as Namsoon was around.

 

"What will you do, Heungsoo-ah, if you find him again?" Noona asks and something about the way she asks him is odd. He takes an involuntary step forward.

 

"Noona, do you-"

 

"Finish school," she says," promise me you'll graduate."

 

He is looking at her with wide eyes, at the hope dangling so desirably before him, heart beating faster with it. Maybe this time, for the first time, he'll be the one to find Namsoon.

 

"Do you know where he is?" his voice is breathless, impatient.

 

"Promise me!"

 

Such a small price to pay. "Yes, I promise I'll graduate. Noona, please…"

 

She smiles, a little sad, a little defeated even if she got what she wanted.

 

"Seungri high school. He's going to school," she says softly. He stumbles backward until his back hits the wall behind him. He laughs. That bastard, he went back to school?

 

\---

 

_"Yah!" Heungsoo wakes up to Namsoon's face hovering above his', eyes still half lidded with sleep and hair falling into his eyes. Heungsoo can't help it, he smiles._

_"It's Saturday, let me sleep," he says, deliberately turning on his side and closing his eyes._

_Namsoon tugs at him. "Wake up, idiot! We're out of food, have to go shopping today." Heungsoo moans and curls up tighter._

_"Ah, save me!" he begs the great unknown._

_Namsoon laughs. Heungsoo yelps as Namsoon blows a sharp burst of air in his ear._

_"Ah! Fuck, you idiot!" he yells, rubbing at his ear. Namsoon laughs again and uses Heungsoo's distraction to put a leg over him and straddle him at the waist, hands pining down his shoulders. Namsoon leans down until Heungsoo can smell the shampoo in his hair._

_"Heungsoo-ah," Namsoon whispers, so close that Heungsoo can feel his breath brush his lips. Heungsoo reaches up, traces Namsoon's lower lip with a gentle thumb. He had split it yesterday when they had tangled with some wannabe gangsters, who should have stayed in school and not judged them by their numbers. Heungsoo follows his thumb with his lips and leans up to catch Namsoon's lips with his own. Namsoon gasps into the kiss and Heungsoo rolls them over, letting his knees take his weight and delving deeper into Namsoon's mouth. He draws back a little when he runs out of hair and Namsoon is looking up at him, all flushed cheeks and bruised lips and darkened eyes. Namsoon is looking up at him like he's seeing him for the first time in a thousand years._

_"Groceries?" Heungsoo asks innocently._

_"Muh?"_

_Heungsoo smirks. "Good to know I can ruin your brain with a kiss." Namsoon blinks at him. "Not much to start with really, don't give yourself so much credit."_

\---

 

He stops at the threshold when he notices Namsoon lying on the wooden bench on the roof. He'd come up here to get away from the buzzing hive below him but Namsoon had gotten here before him, probably asleep with an arm folded under his head. Alone. They'd been alone before too. But then they'd been alone together, now they are just alone. Doesn't seem like Namsoon has made any effort to make any friends at this school. Even if Heungsoo is slightly curious as to why, because Namsoon hates being on his own, loathes sleeping alone in that house with only shadows for company but he'd be dead before he admits any worry for Namsoon. He huffs quietly and turns to leave when Namsoon speaks.

 

"Stay." Seems Namsoon hasn't lost it yet, that uncanny ability he's always had to know when Heungsoo was around, "please."

 

It used to be that they never really needed words. One gesture from Namsoon and Heungsoo knew that he wanted more kimchi but not the honeyed potatoes. One look from Heungsoo and Namsoon would pull him into the nearest secluded corner and kiss him senseless.

 

Now, Namsoon who rarely seems to have any words for anyone else seems to have so many words for him. But Heungsoo doesn't want his words. Heungsoo stays silent and Namsoon sits up, turning around to look at him. Heungsoo clenches his hands and hides them in his pockets. Namsoon doesn't need to know how difficult these encounters are for him.

 

“I'm sorry,” Namsoon says quietly.

 

Heungsoo chuckles mirthlessly. “Not good enough.”

 

“What can I do?”

 

“You'd do anything?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yes.”

 

Heungsoo takes a step back. “You promised a lot of things before too.”

 

Namsoon stands up, his whole body willing him to understand. “I never lied to you.”

 

“No? How about when you said you'd never leave me?” He snaps.

 

Namsoon’s face twists in pain. “I never lied when I said I love you more than anyone. That I'd do anything for you.”  

 

He remembers the moment when he realised Namsoon was gone. He’d gone to Namsoon’s house, determined to beat the living crap out of him and then make him cook ramen for him and then fall asleep together. He’d wanted to kick him and yell at him and make him feel as terrible as Heungsoo himself was feeling. He’d never even thought for a moment that Namsoon would not be there, was hard pressed to find a time in his life when Namsoon had not been with him. He’d lost the two most important things in his life within the span of three weeks and even if Heungsoo could forgive Namsoon for breaking his leg, he’d never forgive him for leaving.

 

“Stop talking. It's just words. That's all it is. Just words. In the end it's just air.”

 

\---

 

Pain stabs through his ankle as Oh Jungho stands on it. He can see the rock clutched in Jungho's hand through eyes slitted with pain. It had been an errant kick last time, it is a rock now and he is about to close his eyes and wait for the strike when Go Namsoon suddenly crouches down in front of him.

 

"I told you to leave Heungsoo alone."

 

Heungsoo wants to laugh. Wants to hit Namsoon until he shuts up and stops saying things that confuses Heungsoo. But then Namsoon is launching himself at Jungho and Heungsoo can only watch as Namsoon reverts back to the days they were together, when he spoke with his fists as much as he did with his mouth and much more effectively. From what Heungsoo knows no one at their little high school knows about Namsoon's past. So why is he revealing himself now? Heungsoo knows it cannot be for him. Namsoon had burnt that bridge a long time ago.

 

\---

 

“I guess I was angry. He was all I had and he was going to leave me.”

 

Heungsoo snaps his head back against the wall. He’d never thought… how could Namsoon think he would have left without him? He squeezes his eyes shut against the tears prickling at his eyes. Stupid bastard. How could he think that? Heungsoo remembers the plans he’d made, about getting part time work and about finding a ratty apartment and finishing school, and never, even for a moment had doing that on his own entered his mind. But it had entered Namsoon’s and god damn it! Why hadn’t he just asked him? Why hadn’t he punched him on the shoulder and said, you bastard, no way you’re leaving me behind and Heungsoo would have pulled his hair and told him that he wouldn’t dream of it. But none of that had happened and here they were. Him hiding behind a wall and eavesdropping to learn something he should have discovered long ago.

 

\---

 

He follows Namsoon this time and surprised, Namsoon turns around just outside the gates, eager students escaping the school around them.

 

Heungsoo holds his eyes, still hanging on to their gentle sadness but there's a soft smile on his lips.

 

“Are we going the same way?” Namsoon's voice is hesitantly hopeful.

 

Heungsoo walks until they are shoulder to shoulder, until he can feel Namsoon's warmth in the cool night.

 

“You can buy me ramen first,” he says and starts walking, leaving a surprised Namsoon staring after him.

 

It only takes a moment for Namsoon to catch up to him and they walk silently side by side. It feels almost like before. Like all the months they'd spent without each other simply disappeared, that if Namsoon throws an arm around him, Heungsoo would lean in to him and not push him away as he would have done two days ago. And that's all it takes, this simple admittance that he'd missed Namsoon more that he could bear. That he'd only held out against it by focussing on the anger and the betrayal. And now without it, he feels the force of it compounded and he stumbles. Namsoon's ready hands catch him, steadying him like they always had, warm arms wrapping around him securely.

 

Heungsoo tries to catch his breath, Namsoon's hands still on him, gentle and safe. He keeps his eyes trained on the thin crack on the pavement under his feet.

 

"I missed you," he whispers. And he hears Namsoon's quiet gasp and feels the grip of his fingers tighten on his jacket.

 

He looks up slowly. Namsoon's eyes are wet with unshed tears.

 

When they start walking again, Heungsoo reaches out between them for Namsoon's hand, who slips his fingers comfortably through Heungsoo's and when Heungsoo dares to turn his head to look at him, Namsoon turns to him and smiles.

 

The moon, stars and the universe have nothing on that smile.

 

 

***


End file.
